Goodbye to You
by sethsduck17
Summary: seth left summer...but summer never got over it. when they see each other for the first time in months, will she kill him or go crazy in happiness? r&r!


_Of all the things I've believed in  
I just want to get it over with_

Today was the first day since he left that she saw him. Ever since the wedding, he had be so distant, like he wasn't there or something. After he told her that he was nothing without Ryan, which meant that she was pretty nothing to him, she just left. She couldn't be around him, around everyone so love. Ryan and Marissa had each other, for the moment that is, Caleb and Julie had abnormally found each other, and she, Summer Roberts the queen of Newport, was alone. She sighed as she finally rolled out of bed and went to her closet. Marissa told her that he finally came home a few nights ago, so he would be at Harbor today, no doubt about it. And when he saw her, his jaw would drop. If Seth Cohen could be without Summer, then Summer could be without him. But who says she can't have fun while doing it??

_Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry_

"So Summer, how was your vacation?" Ryan asked politely that morning.  
"Fine," she said back. Ryan and Summer usually couldn't stand each other, but they had gotten used to each other somehow and tolerated the other one. Ryan knew that Summer would be hurting today. As much as she denied it, she still loved his brother, and he knew it. "Hey Coop, I'll catch up with you later…" she trailed off as she saw the brown unruly hair with vintage t-shirt attached to the sculpted body.  
"Summer…"  
"I'll be fine, don't worry," she assured her friend as she ran after Seth.  
"Does she know what she's doing?" Marissa asked more to herself."Does Summer ever care about what she's doing?" Ryan replied back, looking in the direction that she ran, shaking his head.

"Cohen! I heard you came back the other night-"  
"Listen Summer, not now ok? I'm in a really bad mood because my dad made me come back, I'm at school and I would just rather not talk right now. Especially to you."  
"Excuse me?" she asked in disbelief.  
"Well, we broke up right? I just don't want to be around you right now. I don't need this."  
"Oh yeah, I get it," she said softly not looking at him as he walked away. He didn't need this. Yeah, and she was just reveling in the situation. It was such a joy for her to roll out of bed every morning to go look at her ex-boyfriend that she still had feelings for, but he in return, didn't even want to breath around her. Yup, life was great.  
"Sum, are you ok?" Marissa asked from behind. Great, she was there and witnessed the whole thing. Just what she needed. Marissa would only want to talk about it…all Summer wanted to do was crawl in bed and stay there, which was totally uncharacteristic for her; but she had her heart broken and her face rubbed in it. She was allowed to be weird. With that thought in her head, she looked at her best friend and ran into the girl bathroom. One look in her eyes and Marissa would see through her little "I'm ok and I don't care" act. Maybe it was because of her unshed tears. Summer Roberts never cried over a guy. Never.

_Counting the days that pass me by_

"Summer, you can't do this," Marissa said a week later.  
Summer just glared at her from her hole in the closet."Can't do what?" she asked innocently.  
"Put shoes and clothes in place of your feelings for Seth!"  
"I'm not!! My room was a total wreck and I decided to weed out some things that I don't need…"  
"See that, right there!! You never do that, Summer Roberts, never does that!! You're the one who always keeps her stuff, isn't your motto 'you can never have too much'?"  
"It's never too late to change?" she asked hesitantly. Marissa just shook her head sadly. Her best friend was hung up on Seth Cohen, the geeky kid next door that she used to vomit at the sight of. "I miss him Coop," she said quietly finally letting Marissa in. "I hate going to school because he's there laughing and smiling and I feel like…God I don't even know!!" she exclaimed in frustration.  
"Like you're not even there?"  
Summer nodded emphatically. "Exactly. He swore that he loved me. And the worst part is…I still love him. He left me to go sailing, and I still love him. What is wrong with me?" she laughed bitterly.  
"Nothing," Marissa answered softly. "It's only been, what, like one week since you saw each other?"  
"Five days, ten hours…" Summer trailed off when she saw Marissa looking at her. "So I have a lot of time to kill ok?" she said as she swiped at the tears that were dangerously close to falling whenever she talked about Cohen.

_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old_

"Summer, it's ok. Seth just needs time," Ryan was saying to the brunette a few days later.  
"God Ryan, shut up!! I'm so tired of people telling me that he needs space, he needs time. Or how about my favorite one, I just need to get over it and find a new guy. It's not like he meant to anything to me," she said bitterly puffing her chest out like a football player while waving her arms around. Ryan looked at her, it was starting to be a regular occurrence it seemed, and started to walk away. "Ryan!! Come on!" she called after to him. He just waved his hand in the air, either as a goodbye wave or a fuck off wave she wasn't too sure, and just kept going. Summer stood there, alone, letting the wind take her hair back and looked around. Finally she decided that she too, needed to go.

_It feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend_

"Marissa I don't need you to hold my hand," Summer hissed at her the next day.  
"Well I just figured…""Look I'm fine ok? I'm over it. New year, new Summer. This one isn't tied down to dorky emo kid either," she said tossing her head over her shoulder so Seth could hear as they walked by. To her disappointment, he didn't even raise his head or acknowledged that she had just said something. She sighed again and yanked her hand away from her best friends. That's it. She walked over a cute guy leaning on a locker and smiled up at him."What's a guy like you doing all alone?" she purred trying to arouse his interest as Marissa just watched.  
"I'm not. Waiting for someone."  
"Like a girlfriend someone? Or a friend someone?"  
"A friend," he answered as he smiled at her. Mission accomplished, she thought to herself as she walked away on his arm.

"So…" she trailed off at dinner that night. Dave had actually asked her out for dinner and she accepted. But now, she couldn't remember why.  
"How was your summer?" he asked as he leaned across the table.  
"Fine," she answered as she leaned back into her chair, away from him.  
"Did you do anything interesting?" he asked again as he propped his head up on one of his hands and cocked his head in the inquisitive manner. Only if you consider having my ex run off on me interesting she thought to herself. God, what was she doing. She didn't want to be here. This guy knew nothing about her. If she was with Seth, they wouldn't be doing this. He would know how her summer was and they'd have moved on to other subjects by now. Cohen knew her, frighteningly well. But this guy…was about as exciting as a brick oven. _Summer stop it_, she scolded her self. _You're not with Cohen anymore, he doesn't even want to look at you, remember?_ Well this is what it was like, trying to find a guy. Sitting through boring dinners and movies with guys that only wanted to cop feels. Finally if you're lucky enough, that one special guy comes through that cares more about you and wants to know you. Like really know you. She had that in Seth. Now, she was back at square one. _Damn it_, she thought.

_And I said,_

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

Seth was gone. He no longer existed to Summer. He was the geeky, gawky boy next door and she felt nothing…right?? She was at that point now where all she felt was bitterness towards him. He left her high and dry and just expected her to be fine? What the hell was he thinking? She loved him and he just didn't care. She actually changed for him!! The one thing that she said she would rather die than do and she subconsciously did it!!! Well if he didn't need her, than she didn't need him. Obviously she didn't know him…the Seth Cohen that she loved would never have done this to her. He would have stayed with her and held her hand through all the rough times she had during the summer. Better yet, if he stayed here, there wouldn't have been rough times during the summer. Yep, this was all on him. She was standing on her balcony holding a box full of letters that Seth had written her over the year, including the last one he left for her when he took off into the sunset. Thinking about all these thoughts, she clutched the box to her and took a step to the edge of the railing and let go. All the letters that he had written, proclaiming that he loved her and how he'd never leave fluttered to the ground, leaving her for good. Just as he did. Just as she was doing now, leaving him for good. "Goodbye Seth," she whispered as she walked back inside.

_I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you_

"Summer?" a voice came the other day when she was standing in the middle of the hallways at Harbor. She looked up and expected to see Dave whining about how she didn't call him back and blah, blah, blah…but no. Instead when she looked up, she saw a pair of hazelnut eyes that knew her every thought. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak. She just pushed all this crap off her balcony…so why couldn't she look away??  
"Summer?" he said again. She shook her head and stepped back to take him all in and to get away from those hypnotizing eyes.  
"What?" she said trying to appear cool, as though he was just a vapor in the wind.  
He still continued to look her straight in eyes, almost as if he was trying to play games with her head, and then said softly, "You're in my way." She sidestepped him and then leaned against a locker and raked her free hand through her hair. Damn those eyes, they got her every time!! Every time she swears that she's done with him and he can go to hell, those eyes seem to find hers and she feels as though she was wrong; she should give him another chance. Kinda like how she was feeling now…

_Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right_

Summer walked in a bright a tunnel. She didn't know where she was or anything; all she knew was that Seth was somewhere inside. He kept calling out her name, asking her to follow him and love him. All the thoughts about him being the devil incarnate because he was an asshole just fell away from her. He wanted her back, wait screw that, he was talking to her! And the sentence involved more than 'you're in the way!' She started walking faster towards his voice.  
"Seth? Where are you?" she called out.  
"Right where you left me."  
What the hell did that mean? He was the one who left her!  
"I've been here the whole time, hiding, watching you, loving you…"  
"Where the hell are you!!?" she yelled again getting agitated.  
"The one place you never looked."  
"Right…where would that be?" she asked sarcastically.  
"Your heart."

Summer jolted upright in her bed. It was all a dream. Seth calling out to her, saying that he loved her; it was all fake. What did it mean though? Did it mean anything? Or was it because of the peanut butter chunk she ate right before she went to bed?

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time  
I want what's yours and I want what's mine_

"What do you really want Sum?" Marissa asked her that morning as she explained her dream to her.  
"Nothing! I'm done with him, I pushed him off the balcony remember?" she asked while making a face. Her friend just looked at her. "I don't know! I love him Coop, I really do. But I don't think I can take him back. I'm not even sure I want him back. I want him to be happy and me to be happy. If somehow it could happen that way with us…shit I just don't know!" she sighed confused.

_I want you  
But I'm not giving in this time_

"Summer!" a familiar voice called out in the courtyard.  
"Incoming," her best friend whispered as she slunk away to go meet her boyfriend. Summer just kept walking, oblivious to the person running after her shouting her name.  
"Summer!!" the person yelled again growing impatient. Finally she stopped.  
"What?" she snapped.  
"Hey," he whispered looking in her eyes.  
"Hey," she said back frostily.  
"Listen, I've been thinking…I'm sorry for what I did to you," he said softly.  
"That's it? You're sorry. Do you know what kind of hell you put me through!?"  
"I said I was sorry! Look I'm over it-"  
"You're over it? No. Guess what? _I'm _over it."  
"Meaning what?" he said cautiously.  
"We're done. You mean nothing to me," she said coldlyas she walked away.

_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

_And when the stars fall  
I will lie awake  
You're my shooting star._

Summer sat outside in the mild night air. She sighed as she tilted her head back. Seth was everything that she wanted…and yet everything that she hated. He knew her better than everyone else, he knew what made her smile, what made her tick, everything. In time she was sure that they could grow to be civil; but right now she wanted nothing to do with him. A star fell from the sky and Summer closed her eyes and made a wish…_I just want everything to be normal again…I want me and Seth to be civil. But most of all, I wish I never loved him._  
"Summer?" Ryan's voice came up the stairs. She quickly looked and then saw the two of them climbing the stairs. She smiled to herself as she got up to go join her friends. Summer Roberts was finallyready to move on with her life.


End file.
